a Hatake's Last Resort

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

I just can’t stand it anymore.
The pain of loosing everyone…
Dad…
Mom…
Obito…
Minato-sensei…
Rin…
Sasuke…
Sakura…
Tenzou…
Tsunade-sama…
Even Naruto…
I’m just ready to give up. I no longer have any reason to live. Everyone I have ever cared about in my life, everyone I considered a friend…Dead…

This is my last resort
Cut my life into pieces, I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding?
Would it be wrong? Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight, and I'm contemplating suicide

I stood up from my bed and went over to my weapon pouch. I reached in and grabbed a Kunai. I’ve had enough. I’m ready to die. What’s left for me anyway? To everyone, I’m just a very talented Shinobi. A tool. Nobody will miss me. Anybody that might have given a damn is dead. I’ll just be another loss. Another ninja that died. Easily replaceable. Nothing important. Nothing new.

‘Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Sure, I might be going the same way as my father. And sure, Gai might miss having a rival. But he’s probably the only one that would go to my funeral for a real reason; because he actually missed me. Everyone else, only because they lost another Shinobi and are merely going to pay their respects. Nothing more, nothing less.

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
finding nothing but questions and devils

I held the Kunai with both hands, bracing myself. I briefly wondered what everyone would think of me, if they saw me now; getting ready to take my own life.
I wonder if they would blame me. I mean, I have been through a lot.
I’ve lost everyone, literally.

‘Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying

I start crying. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop it. I can’t help it. Everyone’s dead, and I’m about to kill myself.
I position the Kunai over my heart, and take a deep breath. A part of me doesn’t want to die. A part of my mind wants to keep living for some reason. But the will to die overwhelms the urge to live. What good would come out of staying alive anyway? Nothing, that’s what; at least, that’s what I told myself.

I ... can't ... go ... on ... living ... this ... way

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong? Would it be right?
If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight, and I'm contemplating suicide

‘Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I gripped the smooth metal of the weapon so hard my knuckles turned white.
I took one more deep breath, enjoying the taste of air one last time, squeezed my eyes shut, and plunged the Kunai into my chest.

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

I ... CAN'T ... GO ... ON ... LIVING ... THIS ... WAY

Can't go on ... living this way
Nothing's alright!

--

I knew something was wrong the moment I neared my old team mate’s apartment. All the lights were off, and it was too quiet.
He shouldn’t be asleep yet. I thought. I started walking faster.
I had finally escaped Akatsuki, and had come straight here. I was thoroughly surprised when the guards let me pass without a second glance. I decided to worry about that later.
I knocked on Kakashi’s door. I got worried when he didn’t answer. He should be home.
I turned the knob, and was surprised to find that it was unlocked.
I gulped, and opened the door.
“Kakashi?” I asked the darkness. No answer.
There was a strange smell, too. Like…blood.
My eyes widened. He didn’t…he couldn’t have…
I quickly found the switch, and turned the lights on. My eyes widened even more and my heart skipped a few beats. Hatake Kakashi was on the floor, lying in a puddle of his own blood, a Kunai in his chest.
“Ka-Kakashi!”
I ran over to him and held him.
“Why?” I asked, tears running down my face.
“Life just…wasn’t worth living…anymore…” Were his last words. His breaths ceased, and he went limp in my arms.
Only god knows how long I sat there, holding his lifeless body close to mine, sobbing.
Even when the ANBU got there, I refused to let Kakashi go. They had to force me away from him, which was exceptionally hard, even for them.

A couple days later, Hatake Kakashi was laid beneath the ground. I stayed hours after everybody else had gone. Gai looked sad, and had given me many sympathetic looks.
“Kakashi…I was always with you, even when neither of us knew it.” I said to the air. I was soaked and cold- and I had been crying for a while -so my voice sounded shaky. It had been raining all day, as if the sky itself was mourning my friend along with me.
I gave the grave one last look, before going to the Uchiha Compound. Back to my old house.
Of course, I would be back tomorrow.
And the day after that…
And the day after that…
And the day after that…
I would always come back until the day I died.

Hatake Kakashi…
“I miss you…and I always will.”
----Owari----

“When you think you’ve lost everyone, remember that you’re friends and family will always be with you ‘til the very end, even when they’re gone. You won’t be able to see them. You won’t be able to feel them. You won’t be able to hear them. But they’re always with you.” --Me